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【求职笑话】中央情报局空缺

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【Interview Jokes】An Opening in the CIA

A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates. The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates, would get the job.

The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I could never kill my wife." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."

They brought the next candidate in, the other man, and repeated the instructions. This man took the gun, walked into the room and closed the door. However, after five minutes of silence, the door opened and the man handed the CIA tester the gun, saying, "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my wife. I tried to pull the trigger but I just couldn't do it." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."

Then they brought the woman down the corridor to the closed door, handed her a gun, and said, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun, walked into the room, and before the door closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another, for thirteen shots, the noise continued. Then all hell broke loose. For the next several minutes, the men heard screaming, cursing, furniture crashing and banging on the walls; then suddenly, silence. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"


CIA: Central Intelligence Agency (美国)中央情报局
assassin n.暗杀者, 刺客

不久前,中央情报局空缺一名刺客。这种绝密级的职位极难填补,需要通过全面背景考察、培训和考核才可能成为职位候选人。在审核了好几位申请人并完成所有培训考核后,人选范围被缩小到三位极富潜力的候选人。最后的考核终于到来了,这将决定三位同赋潜质的候选人哪一位会得到此职。

最后候选人由两男一女组成。考官组将第一位男性候选人带到走廊里一扇关着的门前,递给他一把枪,说到:“我们必须确保在任何情况下你都会完成任务,听从指挥。你的妻子就在屋子里的椅子上坐着,用这把枪把她给杀了。”候选男士一脸惊愕,说到:“您不是认真的吧!我怎么可能杀我自己的妻子。”CIA考官说到:“那你显然不是胜任这项工作的人选。带上你老婆回家去吧。”

考官们叫进来下一位候选人——另外一名男士,并下达了相同的指示。这位男士拿着枪,走进房间关上了门。然而,五分钟沉寂之后,门开了,这位男士把枪递给CIA考官,说到:“我下不了手,我不能杀自己的妻子,我竭力扣动扳机,但我真的下不了手。CIA考官说到:“那你显然不是胜任这项工作的人选。带上你老婆回家去吧。”

接着,他们将那位女候选人带到走廊关着的门前,递给她一把枪,说到:“我们必须确保在任何情况下你都会完成任务,听从指挥。你的丈夫就在屋子里的椅子上坐着,用这把枪把他给杀了。”女候选人拿了枪走进房间,房间门还没有关严,CIA考官就听见枪声响了起来,一枪接着一枪,响了13枪,吵杂声一片。接下来的几分钟,犹如地狱爆发一般,考官们听见嘶喊声、谩骂声、家具破裂砸墙声,接着一切便静了下来。门慢慢开了,女候选人驻足在门口。


她擦了擦眉毛上的汗,说到:“你们怎么不告诉我枪里面装的是空包弹!没办法,我只能用椅子把丫给砸死了!”


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